Memories
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Tearing the pages of my dog-themed diary out of its spine and throwing them away out of embarrassment of the expression of my own feelings and desires —> writing 7 and a half pages I actually like in one sitting for the second time this month
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Watching the librarian repair a book with tape sitting down at her desk so I could take it home in second grade, I loved that library, I learned how to play chess there ( I hate playing chess though) —> repairing the pages of my copy of The Sentimental Education, the same way I saw her do it, in my apartment, in New York, where I wanted to live already at five, I thought I was going to be a ballerina then (I think I always wanted to be a writer but I was embarrassed of those feelings, how could I show anybody my words!)
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Washing dishes with my Grandma as a little girl, she washed, I dried standing on a wooden stool my Grandpa built because I was young and small and would go on to get the short genes anyways —> video calling my Grandma and showing her the pink rubber gloves I got to wash my dishes (I have no dishwasher as well now) as she giggled with joy because they are just like the ones she used then and now, it was my Grandpa’s 80th, he said he’s working on the next 80
I like how these all mix together and feel nice when it’s time to come full circle. People say to live in the present, but sometimes the past gives it a nice shade.
xx